Once More (with feeling)
by civillove
Summary: After going through a rough breakup with Kurt, Blaine just wants to convince everyone that he's fine. Which turns into him convincing Sebastian to be his fake boyfriend. The problem is, the longer they date, it occurs to both of them that their feelings for one another aren't fake at all. (please take note to the couple in the brackets)
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: An andercriss prompt that I made a summary for; After going through a rough breakup with Kurt, Blaine just wants to convince everyone that he's _fine. _Which turns into him convincing Sebastian to be his fake boyfriend. The problem is, the longer they date, it occurs to both of them that their feelings for one another aren't fake at all.  
**Note 1**: slightly AU, Blaine never cheated in this scenario, but Kurt did.  
**Note 2**: Thank you so much to Suzey for reading through this thing as I went with encouragements and assuring me it made sense. I love you.

000

This story always starts out the same way and because it's predictable, it usually ends the same way too.

Girl sees boy, girl falls in love with boy. Boy notices girl, boy lures girl into false sense of trust and they date. The girl's walls come down. The girl is happy, happier than she's ever been. Boy takes their trust and shatters it into a million pieces, they fight, they break up. There's a really cheesy love song about sadness and disappointment in the midst of their separation, lots of shots of the city skyline to highlight their distance between one another, and boy realizes he's done something really fucking stupid.

There's a long speech where both of them apologize…even though the girl really has _nothing _to apologize for. She gives him back her trust only for him to break it again.

And they live happily ever after.

Or something like that. Blaine might be paraphrasing.

He's watched so many romantic comedies in the last week that he knows that same story frontwards and back, it's only slightly altered every single time. But what he fails to admit to himself as he scrubs his curls and burrows himself into a mountain of blankets while shoving popcorn into his mouth, is that he knows that story so well because he's lived it.

Or well, the beginning half of it at least.

The part where it feels like the girl's heart is ripped out of her chest.

Yeah, he understands _that _feeling very well.

He had promised himself at the end of Junior year that his Senior year would be the best thing that has ever happened to him. And why wouldn't it be? He was grabbing solos left and right in the glee club, Cooper was going to come back from New York to visit in January, his amazing boyfriend had gotten into NYADA and they vowed to make long distance work and he had…sort of started talking to Sebastian again.

Not that Kurt knew about that one.

And really, was a few texts exchanged every so often really a bad thing after everything that had happened?

Alright, so _maybe _he forgave people too easily, too often gave someone another chance but…he had sort of missed his friendship with Sebastian. If he was being honest. There was something about them that just…_fit, _probably altogether too well. Their conversation flowed easily, their silences weren't uncomfortable, he could talk to Sebastian about anything and find that he actually _listened _to what he said.

He didn't tell anyone he had started talking to him again. Until November, when things had started falling apart.

Kurt had gone to New York and long distance was hard. Trying to run a cross country marathon while juggling tomatoes was probably easier than keeping in contact with Kurt. He knew that he was busy, that he had classes and new friends and solos to claim while exploring a big bright new city he had always dreamed about being a part of.

But what about him?

What about the boy he was leaving behind?

Did Kurt once think about him and how the distance was tearing him apart? Maybe if they would have talked more or kept their scheduled skype dates this whole thing wouldn't have happened.

Deep down he thinks it still might have, though.

_When he sees Kurt's Facebook status go from 'it's complicated' to 'in a relationship' he knows something isn't right. He wants to know what happened to bridge that gap, for Kurt to go from one into the other…seeing as how they haven't really talked since last Friday and nothing feels resolved. _

_His boyfriend finally picks up the phone on the third call._

"_Alright, what's going on?" He asks hastily, not wanting to waste any time. His anxiety won't let him stall with pleasantries anyways. _

_The other end of the phone is quiet a moment except for shuffling; all of it creates an even bigger pit in the bottom of Blaine's stomach. _

"_Blaine," Kurt sighs; it already sounds like an apology. "I-I met…someone." _

_He bites his tongue hard enough to bleed; he can't find the words to come out of his mouth even though so many are swirling between his head and voicebox. He doesn't understand how something like this can happen and how it _wasn't _the first thing he thought was going on. It all sort of makes sense now in a twisted way that squeezes his ribcage—the pictures with a new boy on Facebook, the way his texts go unanswered, calls dodged, skype dates missed. No apologies or explanations, just small talk and butchered conversations and a space between them that's starting to hurt. _

"_I'm so sorry; I just didn't know how to tell you." _

_He doesn't cry. He just quietly tells Kurt he understands and hangs up. The tears come later; along with regret, guilt, anger and too many movies involving Ryan Gosling. _

Blaine doesn't want to be this person anymore; he wants to stop feeling like his heart has been pulled out of his chest, wants to replace the vacancy that carves a hole behind his ribcage yet somehow fills his entire body.

He wants to be okay again.

Because Kurt is. He's got new photos almost every hour of him and his new boyfriend _Camden _holding hands, kissing, going to class together and showing up at parties. Like he never existed in the first place, like he was never loved or missed.

He's never felt so pushed aside before, so…_meaningless_ in a way he can't describe but can only _feel _instead. He hopes it's something that will just go away with time, he knows it's been a month or so but…no one can put an expiration date on _grieving_. It's just something he has to work through.

And he will. As soon as he watches another rom com.

Blaine is just about to get up out of bed to switch the disc in the player or to shift and burrow into his blankets for a nap, he's not sure which is going to come first, but before anything is decided his mother rushes into the room and yanks his curtains back.

He nearly has a heartattack with the amount of sunlight assaulting his eyes; his arm flails to hide his face and successfully topples over a bowl of popcorn.

"Mom!"

"Don't mom me, Blaine Anderson. This has gone on long enough. This is officially an intervention." She states and he doesn't have to be looking at her to know her hands are on her hips.

He sighs and manages to pull his hand away from his face, squinting at her before blinking. "I'm fine." He mutters.

"You think this intervention is mostly for you?" She asks, quirking an eyebrow before gesturing an arm to the space around her. "All of the coffee cups have disappeared from our kitchen."

Blaine glances around his room, rubbing the back of his neck. Huh. He doesn't remember when one cup became…like, _twenty _littered around the various surfaces of his bedroom.

"I'm sorry; I'll buy us another set." He sits up straight, leans against the headboard before turning his TV off with his remote before his mother sighs and sits down next to him.

"It's not about the mugs, though…those _are _important. Have you seen your father leave for work without coffee? Downright terrifying."

He feels a smile tug at the ends of his mouth without his permission, shaking his head as his mother bumps her shoulder into his own.

"We're worried about you. I know that Kurt was your first love—"

He's heard this story so many times in a million different ways. From his parents, to Cooper, even his friends. They keep telling him that they understand that Kurt was his first boyfriend, his first love, his first _everything. _But do they really get it? Do they really understand what he's going through? Do they know what it feels like to be cheated on and be so wrapped up in one thing, in how he wants them to be and not how they are that it slips right past him? Until it smacks him in the face one day?

Do they understand how betrayed he feels, still, a month later? That he feels like a fool?

No, he doesn't think they do.

And as much as he loves his mother, and anyone who's tried to make him feel better, all they do is succeed in making him feel worse.

Blaine just wants the conversations to stop; he doesn't think he can hear that he's better off without Kurt one more time before his head pops open. He knows he is, somewhere deep down, the problem is proving it to himself and to other people.

Why can't he just deal with this in his own way? It's Christmas break—he has plenty of time to mope, make a burrito out of blankets and properly heal himself. Tape himself back together.

"Cooper suggested maybe you should head to New York with him for a while…" His mother goes on and Blaine shakes his head because no, _no, _the last place he wants to _be _is in New York.

Because for some reason as big as the city is people have a tendency to bump into one another.

"No," He croaks out, rather quickly. "No, mom, I'll be okay. I promise. By the weekend I'll be brand new." He smiles, tugs the blankets aside like he might get up and start collecting the mugs.

He actually decides to do so when he can feel her eyes on him, following him around the room. He scrunches his nose at some of the coffee residue, sugar crystallized and caked to the bottom of cups…maybe he should actually consider buying a new set for his family.

"Are you sure?" She smoothes over some of his sheets, standing a moment to grab a basket to start collecting a pile of t-shirts that have accumulated in a corner. "If not New York, I've been talking to a few of my girls at book club—"

Blaine pauses. Oh no, no _no_.

"Mom—"

"What?" She asks innocently, making a face at him. "I was just going to say Mrs. Victor has a wonderful son named Rick who just moved here from California. He's quite handsome; maybe you could go see a movie with him."

The very _last _thing he wants is for his mother to try and set him up on a date. He's not in social _Siberia; _he's just trying to move from point A to point B without losing himself in the process. He's_ trying _to get that piece back into place, to fill that hole where Kurt had taken something with him when he moved to New York. That had always belonged to him in the first place.

He can't rush into a date; he appreciates what his mother is trying to do but he just _can't. _All he's going to end up doing is making a fool out of himself. But this is just the beginning; until he's picture perfect again his mother isn't going to let this go.

Blaine needs to convince her he's okay, but he's not sure how. He's _not _okay yet. He doesn't know when he will be.

He turns to tell her 'no' to the date as his eye catches his phone, lit up with a message from…Sebastian.

_Sebastian_.

His hazel eyes spark with an idea, a bubbling in his stomach making him feel almost giddy. It's not a complete worked out plan when he opens his mouth to speak, his mother knows that he's been talking to Sebastian for a while now, that they've rekindled their friendship.

Though, she doesn't quite know why they ever stopped and Blaine's never filled in the gaps. But this half-formed idea is better than the former, it's better than everyone worrying about him or trying to give him rousing pep talks that never really help. It's better than him staring at his Facebook feed and making himself sick with every photo and status Kurt posts.

It's time for him to prove to them and himself that he can be okay.

"I can't go out with Rick because I have a date tomorrow night." He says, surprised at his amount of confidence.

She turns to look at him, a sparkle of interest and amusement in her eyes. "Oh really, with who?"

"Sebastian."

"Sebastian." She says slowly, like she's testing his name in her mouth. "And you're just now telling me this? When did this happen?"

"I…I was at the Lima Bean not too long ago, you know. I see him there sometimes." He lies; well sort of. He _has _seen Sebastian at the Lima Bean recently but the taller boy had been busy flirting with the barista at the time.

"And we talk on the phone," That part is true. Just like their friendship before the slushie…incident, it's very easy to talk to Sebastian on the phone or through text messages. It's all very effortless. Simple. "He asked me out."

She smiles slowly and for a moment he thinks she can see right through him. "Even though you've been bedridden these last few days?" She teases, ruffling his curls.

Blaine gently pushes her hand away before crossing his arms over his chest. "I'll have you know a lot of people think I'm a catch."

She laughs, picking up the bushel of laundry with her one arm before placing a kiss on his forehead. "Might want to run a comb through your hair first, stud." She winks and heads out of his bedroom.

He lets out a sigh of relief before he glances at his phone again. Okay, so. Crisis averted.

'Cept there's still one small, minuscule problem.

He hasn't exactly told Sebastian about this plan yet.

0000

It takes Blaine a while to build up the nerve to text Sebastian.

Granted, he's actually sort of proud of himself in terms of the progress he's made. He's gotten out of bed, took his collection of mugs to the kitchen and drowned them all with water and dish soap, he's showered and shaved and actually looks like a presentable human being again.

He's categorized his romantic comedies by the order of pain they inflict to his heart and finally jumps onto bed to grab his phone and sends a text.

**BLAINE**: I need your help.

A few moments pass before he gets another one back.

**SEBASTIAN**: Are you still in bed?

He purses his lips. It's shameful how well Sebastian knows him without even trying.

**BLAINE**: ...no, I'm actually in my living room eating dinner.

Blaine can see the smirk on Sebastian's lips without even trying as he gets a text back. Actually, a few in rapid succession.

**SEBASTIAN**: I don't believe you.  
**SEBASTIAN**: But hey, if you want to play the modest card that's fine with me. I'd be more than willing to help you out /in bed/ anyways ;)

He shakes his head but can't stop the smile as it twitches its way onto his lips.

**BLAINE**: Why are we friends again.

**SEBASTIAN**: Because I'm dashingly handsome and you can't resist.

Blaine rolls his eyes and has half a mind to just forget the whole thing. He glances at his bedroom door, can hear his mother walking around in the hallway—probably hovering as she tries to decide to press the issue of him moping or to leave him be.

He sighs, watches the cursor blink in and out as he tries to think of a reply. A few fake dates with Sebastian won't be as bad as trying to trip his way through a few real ones with a stranger.

**BLAINE**: Can you come over or not?

He rolls over onto his back and sets his phone on his chest, humming gently at the soft buzz that vibrates through his sternum as Sebastian texts back.

**SEBASTIAN**: First it's help me and now it's come over, you're creating a lot of imagery for me here, Anderson.

He's about to text 'never mind' and just figure something else out when he gets:

**SEBASTIAN**: See you in ten ;)

He talks himself out of this plan four times before his phone loads his Facebook feed and another picture of Kurt and Camden pop up, this time they're kissing, forty-three likes.

Blaine closes his laptop and draws his knees to his chest.

No. He has to do this, whether it ends up being a good idea or not.

000

Blaine looks up as his bedroom door opens, Sebastian striding into the room with long legs and an amused look on his face. He motions behind him as the door closes before choosing a position next to him on his bed.

"Your mother was unusually happy to see me."

He clears his throat, cheeks tinting pink. He's surprised she managed to control herself without saying anything about their date. He wonders what Sebastian's reaction would have been if she had. Would he have had his back?

"Oh, she's uh," He sits up a little, crosses his legs and faces Sebastian as the taller lies down on his back. "She's just in a good mood. Good things are happening on _Days of Our Lives _apparently."

Sebastian hums, sets his hands on his stomach as he looks up at Blaine's ceiling. The silence between them, as usual, settles warmly in his bones. He likes that he doesn't have to fill the space, that he can just _be _with Sebastian. His eyes travel without his permission down the long lines of the other's body, appreciates how his long sleeved sweater settles on his chest, fabric clinging to him in a handsome sort of way.

His brown hair is wisped to the side, though he's not sure if it's on purpose or because it's windy outside. Those eyes are green like summer leaves, sunlight hitting them perfectly, a speckle of freckles dusting his cheekbones. His gaze lingers longer on his lips then they should, as his tongue peeks out and dips into the corner.

Yeah. He could be attracted to Sebastian enough to date him. A deep part of him knows he's always been drawn towards him like this, physically, that he knows just enough about him to capture parts of him emotionally as well.

Kurt even knew that too without saying anything.

Sebastian turns his head to look at him, his eyes dancing over Blaine's form a bit shamelessly. "So, what did you need my help with?"

Blaine swallows at the…_inferring _sounding invitation and tries not to squeak as he opens his mouth to say, "SoItoldmymomthatweeredating." He rushes out, the words jumbled and attached to one another.

Sebastian stares at him for a long moment, and he's not sure it's whether he doesn't understand what he's just said or _worse_ because he does.

"You _what_?"

He sighs, running a hand through his curls, which are mismatched because of the lack of gel. "I'm sorry, I panicked. I just really didn't want to go out with this guy named Rick that my mom was trying to set me up with—"

"Wait, is he hot?" Sebastian sits up, suddenly interested.

"_Sebastian." _

It must be the desperate whine in his voice that grabs the others attention because Sebastian shakes his head and sets his hands on his shoulders, squeezing gently before his fingers glide down his arms to settle on his forearms.

"Calm down, I'm just kidding. Jesus, you're wound tighter than…" Blaine glares at him, warning him not to even _think _about making a sexual innuendo right now. His eyebrows quirk before he licks his lips. "Never mind."

"Will you do it?" He asks, his voice soft.

Sebastian sighs, his hands falling from his forearms. Blaine misses the kiss of heat from his skin against his own.

"Blaine, I don't know the first thing about dating. Or being someone's boyfriend for that matter."

"It won't be as bad as it sounds. It's just a few dates, long enough for me to convince everyone that I'm _okay. _So that they'll stop asking. And then I'll break up with you."

"_You _break up with _me?" _Sebastian scrunches his nose. "Who's going to believe that?"

Blaine lets out a short laugh, seems surprised by it, which makes Sebastian smile. "Shut up." He gently pushes his chest, his hand falling to his leg. His eyes watch the movement, feels Sebastian's back straighten as his hand stays there.

"Just a few dates. Come on, please."

The taller is watching his hand too, but he's still not convinced. "No, I use people, they don't use _me." _

He shakes his head, pulling his hand back, getting off the bed to pace because he's starting to feel anxious. "This is different, we're friends."

"Oh, we're friends hmm?" Sebastian's voice drips with something he doesn't recognize and he hesitates to look at him. It's buried hurt, maybe, something cold. Forgotten. Only dug up by his previous statement.

"Funny how you can say that now, since Kurt isn't in the picture."

Blaine closes his eyes, lets out a slow breath. He raises his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. It's a low blow, but he sort of understands where Sebastian is coming from. Their friendship had always been complicated in terms of where he stood with Kurt. Then again, their friendship wasn't exactly what it _seemed_ either.

"I'll buy you coffee for a week." He says, pulling his hand away from his eyes.

Sebastian gives him a look, though now he's slightly more amused than he was a moment before. That smirk comes out to grace his lips as he crosses his arms over his chest, urging Blaine to continue.

"Alright, a month." He reasons.

"And?" Sebastian encourages.

Blaine huffs. "And what?"

"My drinks at Scandals for a month. And don't even get me started on how often I'm allowed to grab at your ass, _boyfriend_."

He doesn't even register the last thing Sebastian says. "You're going to run me dry with how often you end up at the Lima Bean _and _Scandals in one month."

Sebastian grins. "The price of love my friend."

Blaine's jaw clenches but he gives in before Sebastian can add on anything else. "Fine."

The taller gets up from the bed, straightening his sweater, slides back into the easy conversation that _he's _the one doing _Blaine _a favor. "Alright, but only because this romantic movie marathon is getting out of control." He flicks at a few DVD cases near his TV and Blaine trips over his rug to catch them before they fall to the floor. "Next thing you know you'll be in danger of bed sores while watching_The Notebook_."

He keeps to himself that he's already watched _The Notebook_. Three times. But his blush probably gives him away because Sebastian is shaking his head as he heads to the bedroom door.

"Date tomorrow night," Blaine calls out. "Pick me up at eight. Okay?"

Sebastian hums, waving at him without looking back. He's out the door for a few moments before he pops his head back in.

"Oh and Anderson, just so you know, I would have done this for free." He grins, winking at him before disappearing down the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for reading! And thank all so much for the warm feedback and kudos so far! Xo

000

They go on three awkward dates that, in the end, don't turn out to be awkward at all.

The first time is thanks to his mother, who won't leave Sebastian alone the minute he shows up to the house. He isn't sure whether it's because she's actually suspicious about something or because she wants to give him an award for getting her son out of bed.

Whatever the reason, Sebastian is a complete gentleman the entire time. He reaches out and holds Blaine's hand as she asks him questions about where they're going and how late they'll be back.

He tries to be patient with each question because he knows; deep down, this is just something his mom does. He appreciates the sentiment, appreciates _her. _And ironically before he can open his mouth to tell her a few times that they've got to get going or they'll miss the movie, he's distracted by Sebastian's thumb running back and forth across the outside of his hand.

Something he doesn't need to do, it's not like his mom can see the small, thoughtful gesture. But he does it anyways and it's alarmingly calming in a way it probably shouldn't be.

His hand doesn't fall free from his own until they get to the car, and its weird how much he's grown accustomed to the feeling in such a small amount of time.

"Sorry about that, she's a little…you know, excited or suspicious, I can't really tell." He says, buckling his seatbelt.

Sebastian laughs and starts the car, "It's fine. For someone who's never really been in a relationship, I'm ironically pretty good with parents." He winks in his direction as the car pulls out of the driveway.

"I think it helps that my mother loves you."

He grins. "Like mother, like son."

Blaine is pink all the way to the movie theater. The movie is sort of awful, but he and Sebastian make fun of it the entire time anyways. They share popcorn and their fingers brush and when Sebastian kisses him goodnight on the top step of his porch he tastes like salt and butter.

The second date has a lot to do with Sebastian being stubborn. They're supposed to head this bonfire party that Nick and Jeff are throwing; it's a perfect opportunity for innocent, candid photos of them to end up on Instagram or Facebook. He should have known that when Sebastian insisted he was fine three days before that he'd end up sick the night of the party.

First of all, when Blaine arrives at his place to pick Sebastian up, he looks close to death upon opening the door. And that's saying something seeing as how he walks around sometimes like he's personably responsible for hanging the moon. He's attractive and he knows it, that's all there is to it.

But when he lets him inside, he catches sight of his complexion. He's pale, there are dark circles under his eyes and his nose is close to the color of Blaine's cheeks when Sebastian throws a sexual innuendo towards his way.

"Let me just grab my coat." Sebastian mumbles, Blaine shaking his head as he closes the front door and follows him down the hall to the living room.

"You can't be serious, you look like you're about to fall over."

"I'm fine, _babe." _He grits out, trying to throw a smirk at him that sort of just looks like a grimace.

The pet name is an inside joke of theirs, the mocking of every other couple who end up calling their significant other five hundred pet names while they're out in public. Like they can't control themselves. So when they're are out and about they lay it on heavy with the ridiculous cutsey names to get a rise out of one another, even though it's mostly Sebastian's idea and Blaine sort of doesn't mind the affectionate names.

Even though he'd never tell him that.

"Hate to break it to you, _sweetheart,_" Blaine replies, heading into the kitchen. He puts on a teakettle full of water on the stove, gets out a mug without Sebastian's permission. "But you're not attracting anyone with glazed looking eyes and a stuffed up nose."

"I doubt that." He murmurs, standing behind Blaine in the kitchen. He swallows as his breath brushes against the back of his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

Blaine clears his throat and reacts quickly, turning to motion Sebastian towards a stool. "Sit down before you fall down, Romeo."

Sebastian actually _huffs _before the action sets him into a bit of a coughing fit. Blaine fishes out teabags from a drawer and chooses English Breakfast before ripping the package open with his teeth.

"Where are your parents?"

"Where do you think?" Sebastian asks bitterly, sniffling. "Any where but here."

Blaine turns slowly, leans against the kitchen counter. Before he thinks about it he reaches out and threads a few fingers through Sebastian's hair, the top part of it that's sort of sticking up in a weird haphazard fashion. He's not sure when their…_'relationship'_ (which is in quotes for a reason) had become so touchy, whether it's from the smoothness of their friendship or how comfortable they feel around one another or if it started when they began this fake dating but it's sort of second nature to him now.

And Sebastian's the same way, though if you ask Blaine, the other has never really needed an excuse to use his hands.

"Some holiday getaway, it's not a big deal." He says, even though Blaine detects that it bothers him more than he lets on. More than he lets anyone see.

'I'm sorry' sort of dies on his tongue; while he thinks he knows Sebastian pretty well, it's only the parts of him that the other lets him see. He's probably a completely different person underneath his skin, his muscle and shards of bone. He wonders if _anyone _will get to know that part of him.

"Do you want something other than soup?" He asks; he doesn't care what Sebastian thinks they're doing tonight, they're not going out. Not when he looks like he might pass out any moment.

"Don't pity me Blaine, I mean it." He says, his voice sounds like it hitched in the middle, just slightly. Blaine isn't sure whether it was an accident or not but he frowns anyways.

"I'm not—"

"Then what is this?" Sebastian snaps, grabbing his wrist before yanking his fingers from his hair. He pulls him forward, Blaine stumbling against his own feet a moment that he nearly crashes against his chest. "What are you doing?"

It's a good question, one he's not sure he knows how to answer. There was a clear line separating them at one point, even when they had started this agreement between them and he doesn't know when clear and concise became muddled and confusing. When that line blurred and smudged, where things like this just slipped out, where he started reaching for Sebastian's hand to hold when they were alone or when Sebastian slid his fingers through his curls when he started to fall asleep during a movie. Where kisses were planted on cheeks and foreheads and lips, looks and words exchanged that weren't as easy and natural as before.

His mouth hangs open for a moment because his apology is stuck in his throat. The tea kettle seems to get that, because its starts making noise a moment later. Low and dull at first before a shrieking whistle fills the room. Sebastian lets go of his wrist, a tired sigh escaping his mouth.

Blaine turns the fire off and pours the hot water into his mug, dunking the teabag a few times before setting it down in front of Sebastian.

Another silence passes quietly between them as Blaine sits down at the counter next to him, drumming his fingers against the island table. And just like all unspoken words between them, the silence is not uncomfortable. Even though it probably should be given the past couple of minutes.

"M'sorry." Sebastian mutters, playing with the tag of the teabag between his fingers and avoiding his gaze.

"Wow." Blaine states with mock surprise. "Was that an apology? You _must _be sick."

He chuckles, making Blaine smile. "Shut up."

The shorter sighs and shakes his head, the smile still tugging the corners of his mouth as he reaches a hand over to try and feel Sebastian's forehead for a fever. He huffs, trying to swat Blaine's hand away to no avail.

"Stop trying to feel me up Anderson."

He's warm but Blaine's pretty certain he doesn't have a high temperature. "Trust me, if I _was_ trying to feel you up I wouldn't go for your forehead."

Sebastian just grins. "Cheeky."

The third time is a combination of his and Kurt's fault. They've somehow managed to make it to Scandals for the rest of the night and of the three dates he's had, this one isn't his favorite. It's mostly just them drinking and Sebastian finding his way onto the dance floor with random people. Okay so, he's not a possessive person or anything and it's not like Sebastian hasn't danced with him most of the night compared to strangers, but Blaine is _his _fake date and Sebastian is _his _fake boyfriend.

Shouldn't that mean something or anything?

It's his own goddamn fault when he picks up his phone without looking at who's calling—but he's worried it's his mom to check in and he's a bit drunk and lonely at this fucking bar while Sebastian tries to lure someone into the bathroom for a blowjob.

"Hello?"

"Blaine." Definitely a male voice, one that shoots something cold straight into his bloodstream and sobers him up really quick.

"Kurt?" He asks, hopping off the bar stool and covering his one ear against the noise before he makes his way outside.

It's freezing and he's forgotten his coat on the bar stool, the sweat chilling frantically against the back of his neck. He shivers and wraps an arm around himself, leans against the brick wall.

"You're…you're not _actually _dating Sebastian right?"

Blaine blinks the fuzziness from his eyes thanks to the alcohol and sighs, running a hand through his curls.

"Yes, Kurt. I am." Ironically this out of everything gets Kurt to call him back. All those times he waited by the phone for him, just to talk about their days. Just to say he missed him.

"This _has _to be some sort of practical joke, Blaine Anderson. Do you even remember what he did to you?" His voice is shrill and unnerving, demanding.

"It was an accident and he's apologized for it more than enough times. People make mistakes…but I guess, _you _would know all about that. Wouldn't you?"

He doesn't mean to sound bitter but it just sort of comes out that way. He's never had the chance to tell Kurt what cheating on him has done to him, how it's made him feel, how it's broken his bones and twisted his body into someone he doesn't recognize.

Kurt laughs but the sound isn't pleasant, it's dripping with irony. "I see. So you're doing this to get back at _me. _This is childish, Blaine." He's somewhat surprised by the anger he can hear in his ex's voice. Astounded, maybe, is the better term.

Of course, he should have seen this coming. Sebastian had agreed that they take this thing all the way, Facebook statuses and all. Just to make the breakup more convincing. _Blaine Anderson is in a relationship with Sebastian Smythe. _Ten likes and fourteen confused comments. Of course Kurt saw. They were still friends, after all.

This phone call however is not what amazes him; it's that Kurt has the audacity to make his decision to date Sebastian about _himself_.

"You've got to be kidding me," Blaine leans up from the wall, almost starts to pace. "This decision wasn't about you! It had nothing to do with you."

Kurt sighs like he's tired and he knows that sound, knows that he's finished with this conversation. Because that's what happens most of the time Kurt comes face to face with a confrontation he doesn't want to deal with.

"Tell yourself whatever you need to, but at least have the decency to date someone who hasn't tried to _blind _you."

The call ends before he can retaliate, the phone hanging in his hand a moment before he finally pulls it away from his face. He swallows thickly, his throat dry and tears pinpricking the back of his eyes. That hole that had been healing in the center of his chest feels like it's been ripped wide open again, bones broken, skin snagged.

Blaine turns around to head back but bumps into Sebastian instead, who's coming outside.

"Hey, there you are. I've been looking for you."

He scoffs softly, runs a hand over his cheek to make sure no tears have escaped. "Yeah, I bet. You didn't even notice I was gone."

Sebastian looks at him for a moment, his eyes traveling from his face to the cell phone between his fingertips. "Don't do that," He says softly, shaking his head. "I had my eyes on you the entire time; you think I'm going to let someone with an ass like yours fend for himself? They'll eat you alive in there."

A ghost of a smile touches his lips as he looks down, shoves his phone in his pocket and wraps his arms around himself, a full bodied shiver shaking his entire spine. They're both quiet a moment as Blaine sniffles, avoids Sebastian's eyes for all it's worth until the taller starts shrugging his coat off.

"Prince stick-up-his-ass still giving you a hard time?" He asks.

He sighs, "Don't call him that." There's not as much fire in his voice as he wants there to be. He just sounds tired.

Sebastian shakes his head and puts his coat over his shoulders, tugging the material tightly around Blaine's chest, urging him forward a little. He sighs at the heat that suddenly encompasses his body, the scent of Sebastian's cologne and skin hugging his pores. He closes his eyes a moment and just breathes, the cold air stinging his nostrils. He wonders if there's a 'how to be a decent boyfriend' article somewhere on the internet, a checklist of some kind that Sebastian's working off of because it shouldn't be so effortless for him to be this way. Especially since he's pretty sure Sebastian even told him he's never been anyone's boyfriend before, either.

"Always a gentleman, even when someone doesn't deserve it." Sebastian muses.

"You would know." Tumbles out of his mouth, but the taller merely smiles which just ends up making Blaine smile too after a moment, the malice heating his belly gone as Sebastian wraps his arm around his shoulder.

He draws him into his body, shielding him from the cold air. "Let's get your coat and take you home." He murmurs before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

In the end, it turns out okay, because Sebastian's lips are as warm as his coat around his shoulders and when he takes him home he kisses him on that top step again. This time his kiss tastes like vodka, his lips a bit rougher, the pull a bit more insistent.

But he's not going complain about that sort of thing. The kiss leaves him feeling dizzy.

When the taller makes it back to his own bed, he calls him and they spend half the night talking about whatever pops into their heads first.

Blaine falls asleep to Sebastian saying, "You know, it's not your fault that Kurt doesn't know a good thing until it's gone."

So yeah, not a bad way to end a third date at all.

000

The only problem with fake dating Sebastian is that he isn't sure when to fake break up with him.

He didn't actually think something like that would be complicated but as it turns out it sort of is. Or he's just over thinking it like he does most things, that's a high possibility. How long does he keep this charade in place? What if he breaks up with him too soon? He can see his mother sweeping in on him with her worried and flustered concerns that he might hole himself up in his room for this too.

He doesn't want to deal with it. He knows a clean break is possible, seeing as how this all isn't real in the first place. But he seriously just has no idea _when _to do it.

Maybe he can ask Sebastian what he thinks while they're on their date tonight.

He makes his way downstairs, getting ready to go to the front door because his 'boyfriend' should be there any minute and he likes being punctual.

"You know we have to leave in an hour Blaine."

Blaine frowns and pauses by the door of the living room, turning to walk through the doorway to find his mother on the couch with a book.

"What?"

"We're heading to your Gram's for her birthday dinner? It's been on the calendar for a month."

He swears under his breath and closes his eyes. He completely forgot. "I have a date tonight with Sebastian. He's already on his way."

She closes her book, setting it on the coffee table. "I'm sure he understands that plans change." She hesitates for a moment before clearing her throat. "Why don't you bring him with you tonight? I'm sure everyone will want to meet your new boyfriend."

His cheeks redden and he starts to feel panic well up in the bottom of his stomach. The word 'no' literally starts flashing before his eyes.

"Mom, come on. Are we really going to put Sebastian through that? There's a reason I never even brought Kurt to these things." He shifts back on the balls of his feet. "Maybe I could see Gram tomorrow? We could go out to lunch together."

She sighs softly and stands, running her hair through his curls when she gets close enough. It then falls to his shoulder to give him a brief squeeze. "Sweetheart, you can't skip out on this, you know how much your grandmother adores you. I know you sometimes wish you could pick your family," The doorbell rings and Blaine stiffens. "But that doesn't mean you should always have to hide who you are either. You have nothing to ashamed about."

Blaine lets out a slow breath as his mother walks past him, leaving him to get the front door. His fingers hesitate on the doorknob, chewing the inside of his cheek a moment.

He knew at a young age that his aunt and her family, regardless of exposure, were homophobic. It's not outright but it's in the way some comments are made sometimes, it's in the looks his aunt gives him or his parents that make it more obvious. Blaine has never once said anything because he doesn't enjoy confrontations, he also doesn't want to put his parents in any position where they have to pick a side between family and their son. So he lets it all slide off his skin, like water. It's usually not a big deal, but he'd never _encourage_ anything by inviting his boyfriend to come along to family get togethers.

Blaine opens his front door to allow Sebastian to come inside, he's wrapped up tightly in a peacoat, scarf tucked under the collar, snow speckled throughout his brown hair. He glances to his right to where his mother disappeared to, not sure if she went into the kitchen or upstairs.

"Hey gorgeous." Sebastian greets and leans down for a chaste kiss to his lips to which Blaine avoids by turning his head, so his lips hit his cheek. The taller frowns and pulls back. "Alright, Anderson. It was a kiss not me dropping to my knees and offering to bl—"

He squeaks and tugs Sebastian into the living room, nearly throttling him with a pillow from the couch. Honestly. He should _expect _something like that to just slip out of his mouth anymore, but he's too preoccupied with where his mother went and how to tell Sebastian about this family dinner.

"What is wrong with you, can you not speak like you're directing a porno for ten seconds."

"What's the matter B, you're all stiff." He winks but as amused as Sebastian may be by Blaine's ridiculous analogies, he can tell something is off. He sighs, lets his hands fall onto the other's shoulders. "Alright, what's wrong?"

Blaine swallows, his tongue wetting his lips before he speaks. "I can't go out tonight; it's my Gram's birthday. I just—I totally forgot. There's this family dinner and everything." He lets out a breath he hasn't realized he's been holding as Sebastian's hands fall from his shoulders.

Of course, why had he been worried about this? Sebastian wouldn't want anything to do with meeting his family.

"I'm sorry I forgot to tell you before you drove here."

Sebastian shrugs. "It's fine, where's the dinner?" Blaine blinks a moment, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. "You're not wearing this, are you?" He tugs at the bottom of Blaine's navy blue polo, using the material to tug him closer.

They would have kissed, probably, if Blaine hadn't used the opportunity and proximity to nudge his side.

"You're not going."

The taller puts a hand on his chest in mock hurt. "First you make me drive all the way out here to pick you up and then you tell me fake date number five—"

"Four." Blaine corrects.

"—is canceled?"

He's about to say something else when his mother descends the stairs, fixing her earring. "Your father is running late from work but he's going to meet us at your Gram's. Sebastian," She smiles. "You look dashing. Blaine tell you about dinner?"

Sebastian grins, puts his arm around Blaine's waist and pulls him into his side. The shorter fights a huff. "He did Mrs. Anderson, thanks so much for the invite."

She chuckles. "Of course sweetheart," She then looks at her son, smoothing her hands over her black dress. "Blaine, you are going to put something else on, right?"

Sebastian is biting his lower lip hard to prevent himself from laughing and Blaine wonders when in the _world _he sunk into an alternate universe in which his fake boyfriend and his mother are on the same side. He supposes he brought this on himself, however, seeing as how he could have picked anyone to fake date for a while and his first choice had been _Sebastian._

"Need help picking a new shirt, _dear?"_ Sebastian asks, the pet name gliding off his tongue.

Blaine just glares at him as he heads upstairs.

000

At first he's quiet while they drive to his grandmother's place because he's angry at Sebastian but then, after a while, he's just overcome with his nerves. He doesn't even realize he's shaking until Sebastian draws attention to it after the car is parked.

"Wow, you really are nervous."

Blaine sighs, rubbing his arm as he unbuckles his seatbelt. "No, just cold." He lies.

Sebastian stops the engine and yanks the keys out before unbuckling his own seatbelt as well, turning in his seat to face the other. "Want me to warm you up?" He asks with such a serious face that Blaine can't help but laugh.

His nerves snap, just like that, like a rubberband breaking and suddenly his shaking worsens and he feels just like he did after the Sadie Hawkins dance, the police asking him brutal questions that he lies about. He just pretended he was okay, because that had been easier. But he can't hide from Sebastian, he never could.

"Hey," He says softly, all teasing gone from his voice as he wraps a firm arm around his shoulder. "_Hey, _B. Just take a deep breath. It's not going to be as bad as—"

"My aunt doesn't…she doesn't _approve _of our lifestyle." He says over Sebastian, the taller finally understanding what this is all about.

"Hmm." He hums softly, fingers working their way under the collar of Blaine's coat to rub at the side of his neck. "You can just say it, you know. The sound barrier won't break. Some people are _homophobic _Blaine; it's as simple as that."

"Not when it's a part of your family. That's…it's not simple." He mumbles, looking down at his hands.

Sebastian lets out a breath; he's close enough that Blaine feels it skitter across the side of his face. He allows himself to fold into his friend, his head leaning against Sebastian's forehead, lips grazing his jawline.

"I'm not going to run at the first sign of hushed whispers or pointed stares. You've got nothing to lose, we're not _actually _dating, remember."

Blaine shakes his head, that last statement causing a sharp pang in his stomach for reasons he can't name or identify. "You still shouldn't have to sit through a dinner you didn't sign up for and hear my aunt go on and on about how it's all very _unnatural." _He uses air quotes for that one and he can feel the corners of Sebastian's mouth twitch up.

"I didn't even bring Kurt to these sorts of things, Sebastian."

"I don't know if you know this," Sebastian whispers, the sensation causing a shiver to snake down his spine. "But I have thicker skin than prin—than _Kurt_." He corrects himself at the last moment. "I'll be fine." He rubs his shoulder before using the same hand to tip Blaine's chin up, forcing him to look at him. "Alright?"

Their noses graze and for a half of a heartbeat, Blaine actually feels like closing the gap. It's an odd feeling, because they've kissed before. Mostly because Sebastian initiates it and Blaine lets him. But it's all for show. It's all for keeping the illusion more accurate, even if they're not around anyone. They have to _feel _like they're together or no one will believe it. So they touch behind closed doors sometimes, small brushes of fingers. And they kiss.

But none of it feels real, not really. Blaine has a feeling that if he leaned forward, if he kissed Sebastian _then_ it would feel real this time. And he's not sure why.

Instead, he lets his forehead press against the other's, lips touching but they're not kissing. Just breathing the same air. It's electrically charged either way, and he knows Sebastian can feel that too.

"Alright." He whispers back in agreement.

000

Blaine thinks that they might have dodged a bullet when they head inside because he doesn't see his aunt anywhere. His cousin Denise is setting the dinner table, putting forks next to wine glasses because she's too busy texting someone on her phone. His father is in the kitchen with his grandmother, fussing over homemade recipes and making sure her cane doesn't knock over any pots on the stove, and his Aunt Charlotte (the much nicer, more accepting of his aunts) is setting up a tier of cupcakes at the dessert table.

They hover in the hallway a few moments so Blaine can put Sebastian's coat in the closet, the taller glancing over some photographs of him as baby, of his mother as a child and of his grandfather in his World War II ensemble.

He stands next to Sebastian for a moment, dipping his nose into his arm. "You sort of look like him." He says, motioning to the wild curls in an old photograph.

Blaine smirks, pulling back to speak. "That's my grandfather. He died a few years ago. It's amazing to me that someone can live through a World War but then… something like a heartattack just takes you away in an instant."

Sebastian turns his head and his lips brush against Blaine's forehead a moment. An accident, maybe, but he's not sure.

"My Gram's dementia got real bad after that. It's like he took part of her with him when he died." Blaine had always been really close with his grandparents and even though a few years had passed the pain is still sharp in his chest from losing him.

He starts walking to the kitchen with him, giving a brief smile. "Sometimes she'll know exactly who I am but…other times it's like this switch will flip. She's confused me with Cooper and my dad. Sometimes she has no idea who I am."

Sebastian hums softly. "I'd hate to forget an ass like yours." He muses, that signature smirk twitching his lips.

Blaine rolls his eyes but ends up smiling softly, bumping his hip into his. He can tell that Sebastian is just trying to make him smile, instead of hitting on him for the benefit of it. His father greets them as they step towards the stove, the smell of fresh, made-from-scratch spaghetti sauce making his mouth water. It fills the entire room, the warmth from the stove and the combination of spices wrapping around him like a hug from a long lost friend.

"Hey grandma." He says hopefully, his chest feeling lighter as her eyes brighten when she looks at him and _recognizes _him.

"Blaine, sweetheart." She tugs him forward into a hug, which he has to bend down slightly to give her. But it's worth it. He squeezes her tightly before pulling back, breathing in her sunflower perfume as he turns to Sebastian. "It's so nice to see you…" She stops a moment, fixing a clip in her hair. Then she laughs. "But what are you all doing here; it's rather late is it not?"

"I told you," His father says, busy with spaghetti. "We're here for your birthday. Remember?"

"Oh," She sighs, rolling her eyes to the heavens and putting her hand on her forehead. "That's right. That's right." Blaine swallows, trying to give her a soft smile. He wonders how many times his father has had to tell her that within the last hour.

"Gram, I want you to meet someone. This is Sebastian, my boyfriend." He says smoothly, in and out. Just like breathing. It won't be as bad to tell his other aunt. Practice makes perfect. Right?

"Well, look at _you," _She gushes, making Blaine the one who blushes. "Aren't you a tall glass of water!"

Sebastian chuckles, reaching to shake her hand but gets pulled into a hug of his own. He _really _has to reach down to wrap his arms around her, but he does so with an ease and warmth that seems so natural. He's suddenly very glad Sebastian wanted to come to this with him tonight.

When his grandmother pulls back she laughs. "Very handsome young man, you caught a good one Blaine."

Sebastian grins, turns to look down at Blaine. "That's what I keep telling him."

He rolls his eyes, shoving Sebastian's side only to have the taller catch his wrist and yank him into his chest. He huffs and tries to pull away but it's too late, Sebastian has his long arms wrapped around him now and he stops struggling. It's not like the warmth of his chest and his expensive cologne are exactly awful things anyways. Sebastian runs a hand down his back before his father asks them for help around the kitchen. Blaine moves with his grandmother towards the kitchen table to help start a salad while Sebastian starts chatting away with his father as they handle meatballs and bread.

It's always so amazing to him how easy Sebastian can slip into different personas. He reminds him a lot of Cooper like that, in a way. How he just _is _charisma personified. Blaine never thought he'd be the type of person to fall into conversations with his family members, or _anyone's_ family members for that matter. He seems so disconnected from situations like that.

He and his grandmother work in a comfortable silence for a few minutes; Blaine cutting tomatoes while his Gram separates lettuce and puts it into a giant mixing bowl. But after a while she nudges his side, motioning across the room.

"Now, who is that good looking young man?"

Blaine already knows who she's referring to before he glances up and sees Sebastian. "That's Sebastian, Gram. You met him already. He's my friend." He leaves out the boyfriend aspect; odds are she'll forget anyways and it's more the truth than not.

"Friend," She says, like she's weighing something in her mind before she says it out loud. "But you like him, don't you? I can tell. You've almost cut your thumb open with that knife three times now because you can't stop looking at him."

He blushes darkly, not realizing he'd been looking up that many times. For a woman who doesn't seem all together there sometimes, she's quite observant. "I uhm…"

"It's okay to like him."

Is it though? His grandmother doesn't know that they're pretending to date; she doesn't even remember that he told her twenty minutes ago that Sebastian was his boyfriend. It's sort of…nice. To just talk to someone about Sebastian without there being some sort of pressure, without someone judging him, without someone worrying that he's still not over Kurt or his heartbreak.

But…what if he _does _like Sebastian. In a way he never thought he would before. Or maybe it's something that's been there the whole time and he's just now noticing it. He's not sure. There's always been that connection with Sebastian, that _something _he can't name or grasp with his fingertips. Would that be such a bad thing? To actually _like _him more than what they are or pretending to be?

He looks over at her, her bright blue eyes looking at him fondly. He swallows, "I'm scared to get hurt." He says softly, because he is. He's never been more scared.

She puts down the lettuce in her hands and wipes her palms off her apron, taking one of his hands into both of hers. She squeezes, running her fingers against his knuckles before smiling.

"It's okay to be scared. But without the hurt you can't fully appreciate those times where you feel so happy that you could burst." She tickles his sides a little and he smirks, his hand squeezing hers as an insurmountable warmth fills his chest.

"So you're saying it's worth it. Getting hurt."

She hums, swinging their hands a little before she leans up and kisses his cheek. "I'm saying you can't have one without the other. But let me tell you something, I've only seen the look he's giving you come from one another person in my entire life."

He knows without saying that she's talking about his grandfather.

"He cares about you sweetheart, if you're _just _friends, someone ought to kindly break that news to him. Though, I have a feeling that won't be needed."

Blaine looks up at that moment to find Sebastian looking over at him, a smirk on his face before he winks. His cheeks kiss pink and he softly smiles back.

000

Thanks for reading :3 hope you enjoyed the second part! Lskjdf;alskjf


	3. Chapter 3

Note1: One more part left after this ;) enjoy!  
Note2: thank you so much for reading, the kudos, reviews and comments! I appreciate it :3 you can find me on tumblr as blainesebastian, stop by and say hello!

000

There are a lot more people who show up for this dinner than what he expected. A few other of his aunts and his cousins, a few of his grandparent's friends and some of his father's work friends. It's nice to know that his grandmother has touched so many people, that they're all willing to come celebrate her birthday with amazing food and good company. He eventually settles into his own skin, Sebastian charming everyone he meets with a matter of ease that it almost makes him jealous.

Everything is fine until his aunt Rose gets there.

They sit on opposite sides of the dinner table, so they don't really have to speak with one another. It's the time spent mingling between the end of dinner and dessert is when their paths cross.

"Blaine," His aunt greets with a soft smile on her face. Her hair is piled up on her head to the point where it almost resembles a beehive. Almost. Her eyes tick back and forth to where Sebastian has followed him, hovering nearby.

"So nice to see you, it's been a long time." She fixes her white cardigan and straightens her back.

Blaine gives the appropriate responses back; she's never been very good with small talk. He nearly thinks they might be out in the clear to sneak out of the conversation but he can see her thought process twist into a spiral as she looks at Sebastian. Like she's not quite sure what to make of him.

"And who's your friend? Are you both around the same age, you should do your cousin a favor and introduce him to her." She grins, winking at Blaine and a breath suddenly stops short in his throat and nearly chokes him.

Here it comes. "This is Sebastian. My…uh—my—" He falters, his hands starting to shake.

"Boyfriend." Sebastian supplies because Blaine can't seem to get the word out.

"Boyfriend," She says it slow, like a disgusting habit. His aunt Rose shakes her head. "You know some of your father's work friends are here."

Sebastian's hand snakes down his forearm and interlaces their fingers, in a quiet comforting gesture. The sight seems to anger his aunt more because she looks around like someone might start protesting with pitchforks, or worse, _see _the gesture themselves.

She sighs, like she's repeated this millions of times but no one's listening. "I'm very disappointed in you, young man. This is your _grandmother's _birthday party, a place for family. For values—"

He wants to open his mouth what has to be a hundred times; to try and tell her _no, _she's got it all wrong. Being with a boy doesn't change him, it doesn't change _anyone. _That he's not disrespecting his family or their 'values' by bringing his boyfriend, fake or not. He tries to speak but the words never reach his voicebox, stuck somewhere else in his body. Under his tongue maybe, or buried between synapses. The _anger _in her eyes is what stops him, the _disgust. _It reminds him too much of what those boys looked like the night of Sadie Hawkins. Makes him sick to his stomach that someone in his family can look at him like that.

Blaine swears he squeezes the other's hand hard enough to break bones but if it hurts Sebastian never gives any indication; just keeps swiping his thumb over the other's knuckles.

"This lifestyle changed you; you used to be so…so _thoughtful _of other people around you—"

He swallows thickly, his stomach bottoming out as something wet stings the back of his eyelids. He can take this; he can swallow what she has to say because it doesn't _matter._ Because she's wrong. But she's still his aunt, still his family. He's not going to give her the satisfaction of disrespecting her to prove a point, probably her own as he tries to defend himself.

"Alright, that's _enough_." Sebastian says, taking a step forward into his aunt's space. His voice is low so he doesn't draw attention but his tone reveals how serious he is. "Blaine is in every way as thoughtful and respectful as you remember. And because of that, he would ever say to you what I'm about to."

Blaine shakes his head and places his other hand on Sebastian's forearm, tugging gently. "Seb."

He ignores him. "Your ignorance as made you ugly and I'm not talking about your ridiculous hairstyle, _ma'am_." His aunt gasps and her hands go to her hair, her eyes wide and angry, words stuttering on the tip of her tongue. He guesses she hadn't expected either of them to throw sentences back at her.

"You are not even _half _the person your nephew is."

Before he can even process his aunt's facial expression, Sebastian is pulling him through the dining room and into the hallway. Blaine takes over from there, trailing the other upstairs to the bathroom, deciding that they need somewhere more private. He pushes the other inside and closes the door, glad that this is much more spacious than the one downstairs.

He sighs, turns the sink on to splash his face with water. His hands are still shaking and Sebastian is sort of making these small pacing circles before he finally lets out a long breath and settles.

"You didn't have to do that." He says after a moment, drying his face with a hand towel before turning the water off.

Sebastian scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes I did."

Now that the adrenaline and disbelief start to wear off, embarrassment begins circling his ribcage, making him feel sick. His cheeks heat up pink as he feels Sebastian's eyes on him; he should have never brought him to this thing. He should have known better. He didn't sign up for this dinner or to be yelled at by his aunt, he didn't even _want_ to do this whole dating thing in the first place. Guilt eats at the edges of his body, making his nerves feel frayed.

"I'm sorry," He mumbles, running a hand over his face. "You shouldn't have had to…to listen to that. I told you this was going to be a bad idea."

"Why are you apologizing to _me_?" Sebastian asks, his voice speaking over the end of Blaine's sentence. There's a frustration there that peaks suddenly, digs into the pores of his skin. His eyes trace back and forth over Sebastian's face as he speaks. "I'm not the one she berated in front of your family. _You're _the one who shouldn't have to put up with that."

Blaine sighs and closes his eyes, squeezes them tight for a moment before pinching the bridge of his nose. "She's my aunt, Sebastian."

"Which doesn't give her permission to say those things to you."

He pulls his hand back from his face and stares at Sebastian for a long moment, his cheeks slightly pink because he's angry. Or not angry, frustrated more than anything probably. But he's never looked so _gorgeous _before and that's all that Blaine can think about.

"It wouldn't kill you to do something selfish for once."

His brother is always telling him the same thing. He's so worried about doing the right thing for other people, always making sure that they're happy, that _they _have someone to lean on or talk to but he never once worries about burdening someone else with his problems. With his insecurities. Maybe Sebastian has a point. Maybe he _should _do something for himself once.

Just once.

So he does.

Without warning he closes the space between them, his lips moving hungrily against the other's, until he backs Sebastian up against the nearest wall. The taller's hands fall to his hips, squeezing as his fingers push under the fabric to touch his bare skin. His mouth opens and his tongue sneaks into Blaine's mouth, doesn't stop to question his motives even though he probably should.

Selfish is apparently enough.

Their kisses melt into something more desperate and eager as Blaine rolls his hips forward on instinct and slides right against Sebastian's torso. The taller hisses into his mouth, fingers squeezing his sides as Blaine tips his head and slides his tongue against the other's. Soft moans echo into his mouth, his hands moving to undo his belt, fingers trembling as they manage to pop the button of Sebastian's jeans.

Their lips part for a moment, Sebastian's green eyes boring into Blaine's hazel ones, a silent question as they both pant out short breaths and small noises against eachother's mouths. Blaine swallows and nods softly; seemingly all Sebastian needs to move his own hands and mimic the same actions to Blaine's pants.

It's been so long since Blaine's felt someone else's hand other than his own wrap around his cock that Sebastian's damn near surprises him. It just feels…_different _but in a wonderfully good way. But he knows just how to tug and squeeze and cup that his knees are practically shaking the moment he starts. Blaine fumbles to do the same, Sebastian smirking at the effect he's having over the shorter but the smile is wiped right off his face as he manages to sneak his hand inside the elastic of his boxer briefs.

His head tips back a little to expose his throat, fingers stilling on Blaine's cock a moment as pleasure seeps through his bloodstream. Blaine takes the opportunity to rock his hips into Sebastian's stationary hand, kisses his neck and sucks a hickey directly under his collar.

"Seb," He moans into his neck, both hands picking up their paces.

It's far too fast and rough and sort of difficult in a way it doesn't have to be in the confines of boxer briefs but Blaine doesn't think he'd want it any other way. Sebastian's other hand grips his side, fingernails digging into his skin, both of them close as he feels his thighs start to shake. Blaine swipes his thumb over the tip of his cock, causing Sebastian's hips to jerk and the next time he does it he feels him lose it.

It's right around the time Sebastian squeezes the base of his cock and he's also throttled over the edge. His legs nearly give out and he buckles into Sebastian's body as he cums, feels him spill all over his hand as he buries his face in his neck. He pants roughly, picking up hints of his cologne and the taste of his skin.

"Fuck." Sebastian mumbles, his one hand moving to Blaine's back and kneading the skin there.

Blaine barely picks his head up, is seeing black and white pinpricks swimming in front of his vision as pleasure knots its way warmly through his bloodstream, making him feel a bit fuzzy. Sebastian's hand slips free out of his jeans, the shorter making a soft noise as his sensitive cock slides against the material of his boxer briefs. He's drawn forward into a gentle kiss; he can taste the homemade sauce on his tongue, arms wrapping around his lean frame.

"I think I like selfish on you just fine." He whispers against Blaine's lips with a devilish smirk.

000

When they make their way back downstairs, cleaned up and calmed down, dessert is already underway. His mother makes contact with him a few times, her eyes asking him if he's alright. If anything, if his parents ask, he can say he was upset with his aunt and Sebastian went to check on him.

And that a surprise mutual handjob had _not _happened in or anywhere near his grandparent's bathroom.

He's not sure whether it's from the unplanned intimacy knocking down a final wall between them or because they're still both in that 'feel-good' stage thanks to their orgasms but they can't seem to keep their hands off of one another. Hands on lower backs, interlacing between their bodies, fingers tracing biceps, forearms, lingering on sides, and on wrists. Sebastian's lips in his hair or on his forehead or stealing kisses when he least expects it, Blaine teasing him with small pecks to his neck, his nose to make him scrunch it or merely resting his head on his shoulder.

By the end of the night, he notices that his grandmother keeps giving him these looks, these…_knowing _sort of looks even though he's sure she doesn't remember who Sebastian is or perhaps even who _he _is half the time. But her words that she told him in the kitchen keep replaying in his head so often that it's almost all he can think about when they leave her house.

000

By the time they make it back to Blaine's house, snow is coming down in thick, large white flakes. It's settling everywhere, and when Sebastian's car skids trying to back out of their driveway, his father declares that he's spending the night.

They're watching the first season of _The Walking Dead_ in his living room with entirely too many blankets and bowls of popcorn when his parents head up to bed.

"Night you two, try not to stay up all night." His mother calls, giving them both a warm look. She's probably just happy that Sebastian's managed to yank him from his comatose romantic movie state she saw him in a few weeks ago.

"Night." Blaine calls after her, stealing a scoop of popcorn from Sebastian's bowl.

His father hesitates on the steps. "Just so you know, we made up the guest room for you Sebastian." He says rather pointedly and he feels a blush heat up his cheeks.

"_Dad_."

He waves him off and chuckles before going upstairs, Sebastian elbowing him in his side with a pointed smirk. He licks his lips and Blaine catches the action; if he kissed him his mouth would probably taste like butter, salt, popcorn kernels.

"I don't think he trusts you to keep your hands to yourself." He teases and Blaine laughs, shaking his head as he licks his thumb.

"Probably for the best, I kick sometimes in my sleep. I don't think you want the bruises."

Sebastian leans forward on the couch and sets his half empty popcorn bowl down on the coffee table before settling into the corner of the cushions. "Oh you mean, unlike this one?" He asks, tugging down the collar of his shirt a little to reveal the decent sized hickey Blaine had left behind.

Blaine definitely turns a darker shade of red upon seeing what his mouth did to his neck. It's amazing to him how comfortable and _easy _it is to be around Sebastian after what they've done…especially seeing as how they never really talked about it. How natural it is to just sit together, bodies touching, sharing popcorn as they watch TV and even flirt with one another.

He's not sure if he should be worried by that or not.

Blaine laughs nervously, fingers playing with the blanket settled on his lap. He shifts on the couch but at the angle he's already at he just ends up pressing further into Sebastian's side. "Sorry."

"About the mark," Sebastian doesn't look at him as he asks. "Or what we did?" His eyes are glued to the TV screen as he steals a few kernels of popcorn from Blaine's bowl. He doesn't understand how he can ask a question like that and not even look at him

He thinks a moment, eyes following his strong jawline and the bright blues and whites from the TV as they highlight Sebastian's face. "The hickey." Blaine decides.

"It's okay," He smirks and turns his head, those bright green eyes ticking from Blaine's lips and back up again. "I liked it."

Blaine definitely does _not_ think about making marks on other parts of Sebastian's body.

The episodes take them deeper into the night and they stay up way past when his parents want him to turn in, but it's not their fault. Really. Netflix has almost the entire series and they keep getting into these debates over characters or zombies or plot points.

Usually he was never allowed to talk to Kurt when they watched a show. Complete silence, other than small hums for yes or no in terms of more coffee or less popcorn.

Blaine sighs, a yawn escaping from his lips as he leans into Sebastian's side, his head falling to his shoulder. Sebastian shifts wordlessly to more accommodate the other's body, pulling him against his chest and rubbing his arm with an open palm.

"I'd hate to be a zombie." He murmurs, closing his eyes a moment. He listens to the TV but can also pick up hints of Sebastian's breathing, his heartbeat steady and constant under his shirt.

Sebastian smirks and Blaine wonders if he realizes that he keeps moving his hand from his arm to push his fingers into his curls, or if it's something he's doing absentmindedly. "I think your mother thought you were one a few weeks ago." He tugs on a curl near his ear and tucks it behind.

He falls into the sensation for a few moments before he clears his throat. "Hence this boyfriend idea."

Sebastian hums softly and Blaine can tell just from the way his neck moves that he's turning his head to look down at him. "Can I ask you something?"

Blaine holds his breath a moment, wondering if he's going to ask him when they're going to end this charade they've got going on between them. He's actually scared it's going to be brought up and he can't figure out why.

It's not like he's going to back to burrowing himself up in his room again and fall apart over Kurt, over feeling like he's useless or worse, like he doesn't matter. He's over it. He's forgiven his ex boyfriend even though he probably doesn't deserve it. What Kurt did still hurts like a son of a bitch every time he thinks about it for too long…but the difference is it hurts _less _than it did before.

He feels better about himself, about everything. And that's because of Sebastian.

He can't exactly pinpoint what he's done, like put it into words so much as something he can _feel. _It all just blends together, the time they've spent together, but he knows that he's less broken now then he was before by a long shot. Then again, Sebastian has always had this way about him, Blaine just _feels_ better when he's around him if that makes any sense.

So if they 'break up', will things change? Will they stay the same between them? He can't honestly say. They're not friends anymore but they're not something more complex either. He doesn't know what they are. Blaine's afraid to find out and lose him all at the same time.

"What did he do to you?" Sebastian asks, breaking the silence. "Kurt I mean, why did you break up?"

He opens his mouth a little before closing it, frowning as his eyebrows draw together. "Oh." There's a relief flooding throughout his chest coupled with confusion that he's never told Sebastian why he and Kurt aren't together anymore. He guessed it had never really come up—Blaine had never divulged the information and Sebastian had never asked.

"He cheated on me."

Sebastian sits up straight against the couch and the jerky movement jostles Blaine against his chest. The shorter huffs before turning his head to look up at him, briefly annoyed that the place he'd been (okay, _snuggling_ is so not the word he's going to use out loud) has been disturbed.

"You've got to be kidding." Blaine understands that lift in his voice marked by surprise; he'd felt the same way when he had found out. "What a moron."

He can't help but smile but he's shaking his head as he breathes out 'Sebastian' in a reprimanding tone.

"Okay," He rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry." He's not really, but Blaine knows that Sebastian _is _trying not to insult his ex in front of him if he can help himself. There's a brief silence. "What a very _well dressed_ moron."

It's an awful, back-handed compliment but Sebastian grins at him and he suddenly can't fight the giggles that are building up in his throat. They both start laughing before Blaine leans over and kisses him. Right on the mouth.

He's completely right; by the way, Sebastian tastes like popcorn.

000

Blaine wakes up in the middle of the night because of a noise—when he groggily lifts his head up he realizes it's coming from the TV. He blinks a moment, scrunching his nose as he runs a hand over his face. He's confused as to why he's in his living room, until he feels a body shift underneath his own and all the memories kind of tumble back into his sleep fogged brain at once.

He fell asleep against Sebastian while watching TV; _The Walking Dead _is still playing, a random episode from the end of season 2, two empty bowls on the coffee table and one of the blankets he'd been using crumbled against the floor. He reaches for the remote on the table and flicks off the TV, his own movement seeming to stir the taller who's sprawled out against the back of the couch.

He rubs his left eye and yawns, opening them briefly to look up at Blaine. "You okay?" He whispers, voice streaked with sleep.

They should really go to their separate rooms; his father will kill him if he wakes up and finds them cuddled together on the couch. He opens his mouth to say just about the same thing but the words die on his tongue as he looks down at Sebastian, already starting to fall back asleep but trying to stay awake to hear Blaine's response to his question. His fingers are gently curled in his shirt and it's warm and _domestic _in a way he's never really felt before. That sleepy undertone to his voice does something to his insides, twists them, creates butterflies that flap their wings against the walls of his stomach.

"M'okay." Blaine assures him after a moment and runs his fingers through the top part of his hair before settling back down on the couch, Sebastian putting an arm around him to pull him into his chest.

Sebastian hums softly, tucking a random curl behind his ear before he stills and Blaine falls asleep faster than before, the sound of the other's breathing and heartbeat lulling him into unconsciousness.

000

The next time he wakes up its bright out, it's mostly from the sun reflecting off the snow and into his living room but the last thing he remembers is curling against Sebastian's chest, back facing the window. Now his back is _against _Sebastian's chest, his arm over his torso, lips and nose tucked right underneath his hairline.

His stomach flutters everytime a rush of warm air leaves the other's nose as he breathes, slowly in and out, still asleep.

It takes him a few moments to pull himself out of Sebastian's arms without waking him but when he manages to stand he cracks his back, stretches his arms out over his head and sighs softly. He pulls the blanket over the other's shoulder, running tentative fingers through his messy hair.

Blaine stares at him probably a lot longer than he should; Sebastian's cheeks are kissed pink, probably from having his face pressed into the back of his neck as he slept. The freckles on his skin are darker because of the blush and he quells down the urge to kiss each one. His lips are red to the point where Blaine believes he'll probably taste like cherries and the material of his shirt that's stretched across his chest is wrinkled from him lying against it.

For some reason, that alone stirs something warm inside his belly, shoots upwards and blossoms in his chest. He can't name it, is not sure he wants to, but it confuses him nonetheless.

This…_thing_ between them is supposed to be fake, a hoax, but it feels more _real _than anything has in a long time. Blaine's not sure if it's because he and Sebastian have a long history of complicated friendship and unresolved sexual tension or if it's from something else. Something new.

His head hurts when he thinks about it too much.

Blaine turns and walks to his kitchen, rubbing the back of his neck as he lets out a long sigh. A yawn follows, his skin prickling with goosebumps as he glances outside to watch more snow fall.

"Sleep well?" His mother asks from the corner of the kitchen, which nearly makes him jump out of his skin. He hadn't been expecting her to be sitting there with a cup of coffee as she reads a magazine. He's lucky he hadn't managed to grab a coffee cup first because he definitely would have dropped it.

"Mom," He breathes. "You scared me. I wasn't expecting you to be here with work and everything."

"Roads are too bad," She hums and sets her coffee cup down, her eyes analyzing him to the point where he knows he's probably in trouble. "_I _wasn't expecting to find my son this morning curled up on the couch with his boyfriend so," She shrugs. "I guess life is full of surprises."

Blaine swallows, glancing towards the living room before rocking back on his heels. She sounds more amused than upset but he winces anyways. "Sorry, we fell asleep." Which at least is the God's honest truth. No more surprise hand jobs. "Is dad mad?"

"I managed to convince him not to tug you off the couch while you were still asleep or throw Sebastian out into the snow," She says offhandedly, a small smile tugging in amusement at the corners of her mouth. "But no, he's not mad."

He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in his lungs and moves to take a mug from the cabinet. There's a comfortable silence between them for a few moments as he moves around the room, getting himself coffee and stirring in cream at the island table.

"Can I say something without you getting upset?"

He hesitates spooning in a heaping pile of sugar before he shrugs his shoulder.

"I'm so glad that you're happy," He frowns a moment because why would a comment like that make him upset? "I didn't…think Sebastian would be the type of boy who would settle into a committed relationship." Oh. _Oh. _Right, of course she'd think that'd upset him.

But she doesn't seem to realize that no one is more surprised than Blaine when he thinks about how _well _Sebastian handles himself in a relationship, fake or not.

"Everyone deserves a chance, right?" He asks quietly. _Sometimes a second one. _His mother doesn't even know that this is the same person that nearly blinded her son; she doesn't need to know. It's not important. That's not how Blaine _sees _Sebastian. That's not what he defines him by.

Part of him doesn't want to lie to her anymore, wants to tell her that they're just pretending. Because he was tired of everyone looking at him like he was broken, because he was scared and alone and feeling worthless. But the other half of him doesn't because he's not sure where the line blurred between real feelings and fake ones. He can't say what was genuine and what wasn't—there aren't any words to.

"I just don't want you to get hurt." She says after a moment, the silent 'again' that's unspoken is loud enough to make his ears ring.

Blaine thinks about what his grandmother had told him in her kitchen last night, remembers her smile as she tells him. "I can't move on if I'm scared of getting hurt. Sebastian…" He hesitates a moment, not sure what he can say to convince her. "He cares about me." That part is true, even though the context that surrounds it isn't. It's probably not enough, but it feels like it is.

She nods her head quietly, opens and closes her mouth before, "Kurt was a good boyfriend." He knows his mom misses Kurt sometimes, which he can understand. His ex-boyfriend had become a part of his family.

He misses him sometimes too until… "He was," Blaine nods his head. "Then he cheated on me. And told me about it on the phone."

And just like that, the conversation is over.

Everything with Kurt had been so good when they started, only for it to end up awful. Maybe this is just what he needs, to start backwards, to have everything complicated and confusing and painful in the beginning. He and Sebastian sort of have that in a lot of ways. So maybe this time, whatever he's doing with Sebastian, will end up _good _and worth it.

000

He thinks Sebastian is going to be the one to run away, disappear, or avoid him when they don't break up every time they say they're going to. He keeps holding his breath after one more date, after another kiss, after their hands travel over one another's bodies. Mouths too. He waits for the other shoe to drop but it never does.

Sebastian isn't the one to run away. He's dead wrong.

000

It takes Blaine a moment to realize that the crying he hears is not part of a dream. He's groggy as he sits up in bed, rubbing at his eyes, a headache pressing insistently at the base of his skull. He'd only crawled into bed an hour ago, according to his clock, the red numbers of 2AM bleeding into his retinas. Past his curfew of course, but he'd been at Sebastian's watching movies. Or well, more like indulging in too many kisses and another unplanned handjob while _Captain America_ played in the background but, semantics. The night had started off with hanging out and deep discussions about Tony Stark versus Steve Rogers at least. But Blaine wasn't complaining about how the night had ended up.

The point is he'd only been asleep for about a half hour, so at first he's not completely aware of the hitching sobs.

He wanders slowly downstairs, blinking sleep out of his eyes as he finds his parents in the living room. They're hugging one another, his father sweeping his hands across his mother's back as she cries.

Something bottoms out in Blaine's stomach upon seeing it, ice seeping into his veins. Suddenly he's very much awake.

"Mom?" He asks, his voice breaking in a few places.

His mother pulls back instantly, her breath hiccupping as she tries to wipe her face, like she's trying to pretend he can't see the tears coursing down her cheeks. Like he hasn't heard her cry. She looks to his father, her eyes asking him to explain because she can't seem to get the words out. His blood runs cold, he feels frozen to the ground, his bones rigid.

Something's happened to someone he loves.

"Blaine," His heart jumps into his throat at how calm his dad sounds. But he can see the red rimming his eyes, the shaking of his hands. "Your grandmother fell down her steps. The…the doctor said it was an aneurism."

"Is she…is she alright?" He asks; his voice sounds foreign. The air is hot in his lungs.

His mother's choked crying starts again and it seems that's enough of an answer.

The first person he wants as his eyelids start filling with tears is Sebastian.

But instead he just closes his eyes as some tears slip free down his cheeks, his father pulling him into an all too tight hug.

000

Blaine lies awake in bed for half the night, only falling into a short, ill-rested sleep around nine in the morning. His phone disturbs him around eleven, jerks him awake because he's barely been able to close his eyes.

It's Sebastian. Of course it is.

They've been doing these things lately where they leave one another good morning texts. A smile almost touches his lips because it's obvious that Sebastian's slept in until eleven, that the first thing he probably did was roll over and send a half-coherent text message to him.

But he can't even force himself to move, his fingers twitch but his body is planted to the bed, roots growing and fastening his limbs to the comforter.

He's suddenly hit with how fast everything can fall apart, how in one instance his life can completely change, how easy it is to lose someone he loves. He feels like old wounds are being ripped open, raw and unforgiving, fresh skin stinging against the cool air around him.

His grandfather lost between the skipped and missed beats of his heart, Kurt in the moments between his fingers brushing with another boy's, the fluttering of their stomachs and the grazes of their lips.

Blaine had _just_ saw her not too long ago, had held her hand and celebrated her birthday, had taken in her warm smile and comforting words that meant more to him than he thinks she realized. He doesn't _want_ to start talking about her in the past tense, doesn't want to act like she's already gone when she was just _here_. The fact that he had just _saw _her repeats over and over again in his head.

He doesn't want to lose someone else.

He can't.

Blaine lets out a low, shuddering breath as he turns on his side, presses his face into his pillow as a few tears slip down his cheeks and into the fabric. Sebastian's text goes unanswered.


	4. Chapter 4

Last part! Hope everyone enjoyed reading as much as I did writing :3 thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, left kudos, liked the post on tumblr or reblogged. Means so so much!

000

A week goes by, snow falls, a funeral is planned.

He gets texts from Sebastian; at least he's reading these ones. For a while he couldn't bear to; it's selfish, he knows that, and Sebastian doesn't deserve it either. The texts are innocent, warm in a way that makes his heart feel like a cinder block. That kind of weight that feels tight in the confines of his ribcage.

He misses him but he…he just can't.

And soon Sebastian seems to understand that he's being ignored because the texts stop coming. Blaine doesn't know whether he's relieved or disappointed by the silence.

"Haven't seen Sebastian in a while." His mother hovers in his doorway and he pauses the movie he's watching so that he can pay attention. Once he meets her gaze though he has to look away and plays with the strings fraying in his one blanket. Maybe he should have kept the film going for background noise.

"Yeah," He says softly, shrugging his shoulder. "He's busy."

His mother hesitates far too long for his liking but instead of leaving down the hall like he thinks she might she comes into his room and sits beside him on his bed. "Too busy to come see you when you're hurting?" She asks skeptically. "I doubt it."

"I'm fine." He says, all too quickly.

She says nothing to that. He is. He's _fine._

Blaine's quiet a moment, frustration prickling hotly against his skin. He suddenly feels angry but he's not sure why, or at who. His mother? For not realizing he had been in a fake relationship this whole time, even though that had kind of been the point. Or Kurt maybe, for breaking up with him in the first place. Sebastian because he won't just leave him alone. His grandmother for _dying _on him when he wasn't ready. He squeezes his eyes shut a moment, a long breath leaving his lungs, the anger diffusing with it, curling out of his body like smoke.

He's left with exhaustion, physically and emotionally. He's only angry at himself he decides, coming up with the stupid idea that he should fake date someone.

"Does Sebastian know about your grandmother?" Her voice is so gentle that it nearly causes a lump to settle in his throat, and it's more painful the longer he keeps tears back instead of letting them go.

He could lie, could say yes and make a big deal about how Sebastian _isn't_ therebut he feels guilty even thinking about it. It'd make it easier to break up with him later, sure, but there's no reason for Blaine to take it out on him just because he's hurting. He already won't return his text messages.

Blaine licks his lips, swallowing thickly so he can speak without his voice cracking. It doesn't help much. "No."

She picks up her hand and runs it gently through his curls, it's only when his eyes slip closed that he realizes how tired he feels. "You don't have to go through this alone," Even though it feels much easier that way, he's always hated being someone else's burden, someone else's weight on their shoulders. "Don't push him away."

He waits until she leaves before pressing play to his movie again; the white noise fills the air, he can't find it in himself to pay attention. His phone glows from its space on his bed sheets with another text message and his fingers itch to answer it.

Sebastian doesn't get anything back.

000

Death, he decides, does one of two things.

It either makes you grab so tightly onto things, onto people, squeezing, desperate, afraid to let them go. Because life is short and things are easily lost, people easily gone. You can squeeze so hard that you end up choking them or losing yourself.

Or you push things away, push people away. Distance yourself so that in case you lose them, it doesn't hurt as much as it would have. You make yourself smaller, if that's even possible, convince yourself that you're doing the right thing and stop taking texts from gorgeous boys who agree to be your fake boyfriend.

On the day of the funeral he wakes up cold and exhausted. He hasn't been sleeping well as of late and the chill, he realizes, is not from the snow that keeps falling outside…but it's more like it's building up inside of him from the loss. A brick of ice just sitting in his chest between his ribs.

He sighs and runs a hand over his face, glancing between two different outfits he could wear for the service. He surprisingly doesn't have a lot of black when it comes to his wardrobe. A few polos, one or two cardigans. He feels like wearing a suit will choke him at this point but he knows he doesn't have much of a choice.

And he wants to look nice for his grandmother.

Blaine turns to get a bowtie out of one of his drawers when he sees Sebastian standing in the doorway. He freezes on the spot, his mouth opening a moment as his eyes take in the long dark, coal gray suit he has on, a black thin tie lying against his chest. He'd probably take more time to appreciate that his clothes fit far too well against his body but he's too surprised that he's actually there.

He frowns, a flutter of confusion passing over his face as his mouth closes. Sebastian seems to take the initiative after that and lets himself in, closing his bedroom door behind him. His suit obviously gives away that he's there for the funeral and not just a visit but…who would have told him that…

Blaine sighs, closing his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose. Of course. "My mother." He says softly, his voice cracking from lack of use and sleeplessness.

Sebastian shakes his head once, moving closer to the bed. Blaine notices the pointed way he keeps space between them. "She didn't tell me anything, she posted something about her service on Facebook so I just sort of..." He trails off, motioning to the space around him with his hand.

Blaine feels that anger spike up inside of his stomach again, and he almost holds onto it because it's _warm _and he's been so _cold._ But Sebastian seems to understand right away what he's going through, he's not sure if there's an expression on his face or he just _knows _him.

"She did let me inside though, so if you want to be mad at her for something, be mad at her for that."

He clears his throat, watching Sebastian's long piano fingers run across the collar of one of the shirts he has lying out on the bed. He rubs his arms absentmindedly; skin prickling with goosebumps, still wearing what he had worn to bed the night before. He knows the service is in a few hours but he's had a hard time with getting moving today, everything feels heavy against his bones and muscles.

"What are you doing here?"

"You've been avoiding me." He doesn't sound hurt or offended when he says it; the words tumble out of his mouth like it's something as simple as a fact. But Blaine's skin starts to crawl when he thinks about his behavior the past week, how he's been pushing Sebastian away.

He can't think about that right now, he can't, he's barely holding himself together as it is.

"Sebastian, I can't do this right now, okay?" He doesn't have it in him to explain or to apologize and starts to busy himself with his bowtie drawer again. Blaine picks out his favorite one but then hesitates, not sure if a hint of color to his suit would be an okay thing to do.

A headache starts pinching it's way behind his eyes and he squeezes the bowtie between his fingers.

"Why didn't you tell me about your grandmother?" It's soft, non-accusatory but still curious. Like Sebastian considers them to be friends or…to be _something_ in which they actually tell one another things.

Guilt gnaws at his belly and he shakes his head, flinging one of the bowties onto the bed and follows it with a few others for a selection. Sebastian picks one of them up and scrunches his nose, setting it aside with a clear look of distaste.

"Not that one."

Blaine pointedly ignores Sebastian's disinterest when it comes to his bowties, trying to force words out from under his tongue. He attempts at being convincing, but the tone of his voice tells them that what's he's saying isn't exactly true.

"I didn't need you, I was...I'm fine." He swallows, glancing from one sky blue bowtie to his maroon one to the one that has birds on it. No it's wrong, it's all wrong.

"Right because you handle loss so well," Sebastian shakes his head and stands, a bit of frustration leaking into his voice. "You lost Kurt and then called me to be your fake boyfriend, Blaine."

Something distinctly snaps inside of him, it's hard and loud but he's pretty sure he's the only one who can hear it. It feels like it came from his chest, like one of his ribs broke or his sternum cracked or _something _to unleash a wave of ice rocking into his system, making him shake.

Of course, Sebastian seems to see it, his fingers twitching at his sides like he wants to touch him. "You're not fine." He whispers.

A broken laugh claws its way out of his throat, his frustration and anger peaking and wrapping around his speech. "And how would _you_ know! You're not actually my boyfriend, Sebastian. You don't know me as well as you think you do."

His ears ring he's yelling so loud. His parents can probably hear him, or at least a muffled version of it from behind closed doors. Sebastian just stands there, like a statue taking it all in, face not betraying how he's feeling. It makes him angrier because Sebastian probably thinks he's doing him some huge favor, getting him to react like this, to _yell._ To vent things he's been keeping buried inside his chest, under his veins, in the patchwork of his nerves.

"So stop it, s-stop talking to me like you know how I f-feel," He doesn't realize he's crying until Sebastian's face shifts, from impassive to sympathetic; it's not pity. It's not that, but it's something else…like pain, like he's _hurt _that Blaine's hurting.

Blaine shakes his head, pointing at him, ignoring the tears as they create tracks on his cheeks, as they drip off his jawline and onto the floor. Sebastian takes a step closer, his arms open a little. "Stop—just stop _looking _at me like that, like I'm…like you…"

"Like I care about you?" A scoff leaves his lips but there's a hint of a smile there too, of embarrassment dusting his cheeks, of his coined smirk and trying to hide it. "You're such an idiot, Blaine."

"Just _stop…_please." The last word that leaves his mouth is broken in half with whimpers, with little whines of pain as a sob takes over and leaves his chest. He doesn't even know what he's asking Sebastian for anymore; to stop talking? To stop caring about him?

Blaine pushes him away at first but eventually lets Sebastian draw him into his chest, his arms wrapping tightly along his frame. He's shaking so hard he's worried he might fall apart, right there, unstitch at the seams in the other's arms. But of course Sebastian holds him together, has an open palm running up and down his back as he buries his face in his shoulder.

His tears leak through his suit jacket but Sebastian makes no indication that he cares, if anything he pulls Blaine to bed so he can hold onto him tighter. He cards his fingers through his curls as Blaine holds onto him with such a firm grip like he might evaporate, tries to breathe him in between his sobs, has missed the scent of his expensive cologne and the simplicity of his skin.

Sebastian doesn't say anything as his crying slows, his body still trembling against the other's. He's always been good with touching rather than words anyways, so he cups Blaine's face and runs his thumb against his cheek. He sniffles and feels even more tired than before, emotionally drained but…somehow better. He knows he really needed that, even though he would have been the last to admit it.

Cooper is always telling him not to bottle stuff up inside, because this is exactly what happens.

He takes a shaky breath in, his lungs aching from holding back sobs. "I do need you." He whispers, the admittance flushing his cheeks even more so than before.

Sebastian smirks, "Of course you do." It's supposed to sound cocky but it comes out gentle and warm. He plants a kiss to Blaine's forehead, draws him into his chest again, his chin resting on top of his head as he tucks his nose and lips into his neck.

His arms wind loosely around Sebastian's waist, up and under his suit jacket so that his arms can feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt.

He doesn't feel cold anymore when Sebastian whispers, "Lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere."

000

He knows it's probably self-explanatory, but Blaine can't stand funerals. Or viewings, for that matter. He knows that there's a very optimistic way to look at these sorts of things; that the person, while gone, is in a better place. That they're happy where they are. He wants to believe that more than anything, that his gram is with his grandfather somewhere up there sitting on a porch and drinking lemonade. But his grief is heavy and thick and it clouds a lot of those good thoughts before they have a chance to make him smile or feel relaxed.

Funerals, if nothing else, are for the living.

He's got to hand it to Sebastian, really, because he's going way beyond the fake boyfriend requirements in coming to this thing with him. Hovering by his side as he talks to relatives, hands him tissues when he needs them, takes him outside for a breath of fresh air more than once so he doesn't lose it. Always a comforting hand on his lower back, grounding him, always a soft kiss to his forehead when he makes it about as far as the viewing room doorway before he can't walk in.

Blaine lets out a long breath and steels himself, smoothes his fingers along his bowtie to make sure he still looks put together even though that's the last thing he really feels he is. He's glad Sebastian is here, he probably wouldn't have been able to do this without him.

He breathes in his cologne as Sebastian leans closer, loops an arm around his waist and draws him into his chest a little. "Have I mentioned how _sexy _you look in a suit?"

The comment makes him laugh, just a little, which he's sure is the point. He leans his head back against his shoulder and looks up at him, leans up on his toes to kiss the underside of Sebastian's jaw.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me; I'm just telling it like it is. That ass was made to fill out suit pants perfectly."

Blaine shakes his head and smiles, turning to run a hand over his chest. "No, I mean, for being here."

"I knew what you meant." He says softly. "I just wanted to keep that smile on your face." The taller cups his cheek and runs his thumb down so it dips into the corner of his mouth.

The show of affection feels wrong here, at a viewing, but Blaine can't stop himself from stealing a small kiss from Sebastian's lips. All he can think about his grandmother and the words she told him in her kitchen on the night of her birthday. How she could tell Sebastian cared about him, how she had only seen that look on his face come from one person, _her _one and only love that she'd ever known.

The kiss is chaste and is over as soon as it starts but there's a smile on Sebastian's lips that he's pretty sure he's never seen before, small and tender, warm, something private that's just for him. He really has no idea how he missed it before, he guesses it's because he's been so tangled up in one thing or another. With Kurt or his family. With being okay. His grandmother saw it and all it took was for her to meet Sebastian _once. _

Sometimes he thinks he knows Sebastian but, really, he just knows who Sebastian is letting him see, the layer before who he really is. But being together in this fake relationship with him, he feels like he's finally peeling that layer back.

"What was that for?" He asks, referring to the kiss.

Blaine smiles and it feels so good for it to be genuine. "You look good in your suit." He teases as he tugs the lapel of his jacket, making Sebastian chuckle.

Sebastian toys with a curl near the nape of his neck, "I think I saw a kitchenette with tea and coffee near the coat room, want anything?"

He's not as cold as he was before but coffee sounds great right now, he's barely eaten anything today as it is, it's probably good for his stomach if he has something. "Coffee, please." He nods.

He hums softly and squeezes his shoulder before pulling away, Blaine missing the heat of his body the moment Sebastian disappears around the corner. He sighs, turning once again to look into the viewing room where his grandmother is laid out. He feels nausea tug harshly at his stomach as he takes a step towards going inside before he realizes that no, no. He can't do this, he's not ready.

Fresh air seems like a good idea and he turns to go in the direction of the exit when he bumps into someone.

"I'm so sorry," He says, his explanation dying in his throat as he sees it's—"Kurt."

The other boy smiles softly, his hands removing themselves from his forearms when he's sure he's steady from bumping into one another. He swallows, eyes trailing up and down his black sleek suit, his own modifications of black lace on the lapels. He looks _good, _of course he does.

"What are you…how did—"

"Your mom posted about her service on Facebook," Blaine sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He's really got to tell his mother to stop broadcasting things on social media sites. "I… took the first flight home; I thought you may need…someone." Blaine doesn't miss the silent 'me' that's in place of the 'someone' in his sentence.

He's touched but at the same time he sort of wants to laugh, because as he takes in Kurt's observant eyes, glancing around the room for undoubtedly one specific person, he knows there's more to this visit than Blaine needing him.

"Thank you for coming." He says softly, not sure what else to offer him.

Blaine appreciates the fact that Kurt dropped everything to be here for him but…they're still not on the best of terms. He did _cheat _on him after all and while he's willing to put that in the past there's a nasty phone call that happened not too long ago about Sebastian.

And while Blaine might have been lying about their relationship to help himself, to make himself _feel _better about everything that had happened, he cares about Sebastian too. And if Kurt's come to walk all over him then he's not going to let that happen. Especially here.

"You're welcome." Kurt offers him a hopeful smile. "If you have a minute maybe we could…talk later?"

Blaine opens his mouth to say, honestly, he's not sure if he'll have any time today but Sebastian appears at his side a moment later. His hand presses against his lower back and it's like oxygen kisses his lungs again at the relief at having his support back. He smiles softly as a cup of coffee is handed to him; he picks up hints of cinnamon coating the top, just how he likes it.

"Kurt." Sebastian nods his head towards him and Blaine gives him points for not sounding surprised that he's there. His fingers do, however, grip him a bit tighter against the back of his waist.

"Sebastian." Kurt wrinkles his nose a little and Blaine's never wanted out of a conversation as much as this one but he can't get his feet to move, the hot coffee in his hands burning the pads of his fingertips. "I didn't honestly think you'd be here."

"Why wouldn't I be? I know you heard the news that Blaine and I are together." That's a jab but Sebastian's face is calm when he says it.

He's referring to the phone call Blaine got that night at Scandals; he's obviously still angry that Kurt upset him as much as he did even though he's not sure what was said. But Sebastian is observant and he knows it has something to do with him.

"I just can't wrap my head around the fact that _you_ would be interested in being someone's boyfriend. That's all." Kurt replies offhandedly, like he's discussing the weather. His voice is light but his words are sharp, digging. "Especially when it comes to heartfelt situations like this, I'm sure you have better things to do."

Kurt leans closer because his voice lowers. "More conquests at Scandals to line up or rocksalt slushies to mix."

Sebastian smiles but Blaine knows that look, his lips are tight like they're on the brink of a snarl or one of his nasty smirks before he insults someone. Kurt is striking at his nerves and he tenses a little, some of his family's curious eyes falling on the three of them every so often.

"Blaine needed me, I know that's a concept that you don't seem to understand very well. But when _I'm _the one who has to explain to you that when someone's in a relationship it means you're there for them when they need it and not sticking your hand down some other boy's pants?" He clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth, Kurt's jaw nearly falling to the floor as embarrassment coats his cheeks and anger lights a fire in his eyes.

"Then that's a downright shame." He purrs, satisfied he's put that look on Kurt's face, that he has the upper hand back.

Blaine shakes his head, glancing around to his family milling around the funeral home, his hand moving to grip Sebastian's forearm.

"That's enough, please. Not here." He whispers to him, getting the taller's attention. Sebastian eases into his touch, his shoulders untensing just a little before he clears his throat.

He backs down for him and Blaine _knows_ that means something because Sebastian doesn't like to quit in the middle of fights, especially when he's winning them.

"Blaine…" Kurt tries as they begin to walk away from him, outside where the air is cold and where he might be able to breathe again.

He stops a moment, turning to look at Kurt. His ex-boyfriend, his ex-friend too, someone he had cared about and _loved _so much to the point of it hurting. He can't even look at him now without an ache starting in the base of his sternum. He can't handle that. Not today. Not when everything already hurts as much as it does.

"Look," He says, as calmly as he can. "I really appreciate that you came here for me but...we're not okay." Kurt swallows thickly and draws into himself, nodding his head. Blaine hates to hurt him, after all this time and after everything he's been through he still hates it.

But he needs to stand up for himself. His residual feelings for Kurt can't overshadow his own hurt. "And you can't talk to Sebastian like that, because whether you like it or not he's my _boyfriend_, Kurt. He's here because I wanted him to be, which is more than I can say for you."

Sebastian isn't smug like he expects when they make it outside, the cold instantly clinging to his body and chilling the cup of coffee in his hands. There are a few moments of silence that's passed between them, Blaine shivering as a gust of frigid air hits him. But he doesn't want it any other way. It's too warm inside, too stifling.

"You didn't have to do that, you know," Sebastian says, leans against the railing across from him and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He's cold but he's outside with him anyways. "Stick up for me to Kurt, I mean." He clarifies before Blaine can ask. "We're not actually boyfriends."

Blaine smiles softly, takes a sip of his coffee and shrugs his shoulder. His words echo Sebastian's the night of his grandmother's birthday, when he'd stood up to his Aunt for him. "Yes I did."

His lips quirk into a soft smirk, shaking his head a little as he leans forward and places his hands on Blaine's hips. "The least you could have done then was added in something about how that lace looks _ridiculous_ on his suit."

He shakes his head, a smile tugging on the ends of his mouth. He motions to the cup of coffee in his hands to see if he wants a sip but Sebastian shakes his head, his eyes looking at his lips instead.

"We could be, you know." Blaine whispers, his thumb running over the rim of the cup, steam kissing his pores. He swallows thickly, anxiety blooming in his stomach. "Boyfriends. Like…real ones."

Sebastian lets a slow breath out of his nose, the air puffing in the cold like cigarette smoke. Steam licks out of the coffee cup between his fingers, grazing the underside of Sebastian's chin. He's taken a step closer than before, he's nearly close enough to kiss but somehow not close enough at the same time. All of a sudden he wishes he wasn't holding something in his hands so that he could reach out, so he could touch him.

"I don't know, I don't think I could be attached to a guy who…drinks far too much coffee for it to be healthy," Blaine chuckles and feels a blush start at his cheeks again, bright pink and warm. "Or has the entire series of _Buffy_ on his bookshelf…"

"Those were a gift." He tries to (insist that he didn't buy an entire box-set) explain weakly, Sebastian just smiling and shaking his head as he continues.

"Or maybe I couldn't be with someone who cares far too much about people instead of himself." He says softly, their noses bumping together in an Eskimo kiss. Blaine smiles shyly, dipping his head a little so that Sebastian's lips brush over his cheek.

"That's why you'd be there. To look after me." Blaine says, his lips pressing a soft kiss to Sebastian's jawline.

"I thought relationships were about really quick handjobs in people's bathrooms."

Blaine snorts, pushing Sebastian's chest a little, careful not to spill the coffee in his hands. "Shut up."

The taller grins, straightening his shoulders a little before he uses his pointer finger to tip Blaine's chin up. His green eyes bore into his hazel ones, thumb running down his top and lower lip. Blaine can taste the salt from his skin, the heat of his breath seeping into his pores.

"I think I sort of like the idea of having you all to myself—" Sebastian whispers, the answer more than enough for Blaine before he presses his lips against his.

The kiss is slow and deep, like falling. He feels weightless as Sebastian draws him close, presses those long lines of his into his muscles and bones. Blaine feels warm against the frigid air as he pulls back, his forehead resting against his own.

"—seeing as how you give a _great _blowjob." Sebastian finishes his sentence against his lips and Blaine _laughs, _honestly and with his whole body before drawing him into another kiss.

The hole inside his chest is deep and dark, but it hurts a hell of a lot less with Sebastian there. And that's how he knows that it won't be there forever.

He will heal.

000

Blaine sighs as Sebastian settles next to him in bed with another bowl of popcorn, his mother allowing him to come over after the service for a few movies as long as he goes home before one AM. It's nearing eleven, they can fit in one more film but Blaine is fading fast, exhausted an understatement given the past few days.

He rests his head on the taller's shoulder as his DVD player loads the main menu, Sebastian moving a little to press play.

"You should sleep." Sebastian says, looking down at him. "I know you're tired; you stopped talking my ear off about Matt Damon."

Blaine smiles, rubbing his one eye with the heel of his hand. They had decided to watch the _Bourne Series_ as their movies of choice.

"No, I'm okay. You've got more popcorn I need to eat." Blaine smirks, sticking his hand in the bowl and stealing a few kernels.

Sebastian smiles and shakes his head, muttering something about how he's stubborn before he turns his attention to the movie. They're about halfway through when the popcorn bowl is set aside and Blaine's molded into the other's body, arm around Sebastian's stomach, head on his chest. He manages to close his eyes for a few moments before opening them again, Sebastian's hand falling to his curls and playing with them.

"I've been having trouble staying asleep recently." Blaine admits a few minutes later. Sebastian doesn't say anything even though he knows he's heard him, his hand moves from his hair to rubbing his shoulder. "It's like my thoughts won't settle, or something." He frowns.

Sebastian's fingers trail down his arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. "I can help you with that, if you want." He murmurs, his voice heavy with what he's hinting towards.

Blaine swallows, a shiver working its way down the knobs of his spine as he looks up at his boyfriend (yeah, his _boyfriend) _and knows right away that he's not inferring about some sort of massage or counting sheep.

"I uh—" His brain feels like it needs to restart but all Sebastian does is grin and move in bed. He shifts out of his arms and lies on his back, the other pulling blankets down until they rest on his shins.

Sebastian straddles his legs, tugging his shirt up to kiss down his sternum, his stomach fluttering at the sensation. His digs his fingers into his mattress.

"Sebastian my parents are right down the _hall_." Though he's not saying no. Not in the slightest.

He looks up at him, breathes against the skin right above the waistband of his sweatpants. His eyes are a shade darker, a pine green. Blaine's cock jerks in the confines of his boxer briefs at the sight. "Then I suggest you be quiet, Killer."

He barely has time to hiss at the cool air making contact with his cock because Sebastian's warm, _wet _mouth is on him in a matter of moments. He teases his head with gentle kitten licks before sliding his tongue down his shaft. He gasps softly, knees bending a little to rock into the sensation, hand snaking down his body to fist his fingers in his hair.

It doesn't take long for Sebastian to get him hard; he gives the lower half of his body attention in a hundred different ways that sort of make his head spin. Hickies are sucked into the inside of his thighs, his tongue skates down over his balls before he leans back up to concentrate on his dick, which is throbbing with want and need and _fuckmore _and leaking precum against his stomach.

A soft moan leaves his lips, which is easily drowned into the sound of the television but Sebastian grins and whispers 'shh' into his stomach before taking his head back into his mouth. He's close in a matter of minutes, can't hold on even if he wanted to, doesn't have the energy or the willpower.

Blaine cums hard, painting the back of Sebastian's throat. The taller stutters for a moment before he swallows, using his hand to rub the base of his dick and bobs his head a few more times to work him through his orgasm before he pulls back.

Sebastian pants softly against his stomach a moment, Blaine managing to run his shaky fingers through his hair, his eyes slipping closed as pleasure rolls through his system. His boyfriend sits up, clearly sporting a hard-on of his own in the sweats he's borrowed from Blaine. They're a hand-me-down from Cooper so they actually fit him okay. He helps him re-dress himself, tucking them both under the covers.

He wants to repay him the favor, wants to make Sebastian feel as good as he's done for him but a sated sensation is rocking his body straight to sleep. He's warm and tired and comforted by the other pulling him close. Blaine turns on his side and tucks himself into his chest, his arm resting around his midsection, face pressing into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. Sebastian's hand snakes into his hair before he rubs circles into the back of his neck.

"Seb-" Blaine whispers, a yawn marring the middle of his name.

Sebastian smirks softly, his voice fading as Blaine starts to fall asleep. "I won't leave until you're asleep." He assures him.

It's the last thing he hears before sleep takes him.

000

Sebastian's morning text is there to greet him when he wakes up.

**SEBASTIAN**: Sleep well last night? ;)

Blaine shakes his head and smiles, running his hand over his face. Cheeky little shit.

000

Blaine plops down onto Sebastian's bed, picking up a book he's reading from his nightstand as Sebastian tugs a shirt over his head. He flips through the pages as his boyfriend leafs through a few cardigans, not sure which one to put on for the night.

"The blue one." Blaine says, without looking up, can feel Sebastian's eyeroll but amused smile before he sees it. "I was thinking maybe we could go ice skating, if you want to. We could go to the Lima Bean beforehand."

He hums, knows that Sebastian isn't exactly an ice skating kind of person but that he'd go for him. Because Blaine wants to.

"I suppose you _do _owe me coffee for the month thanks to me agreeing to be your fake boyfriend." He grins.

The shorter rolls his eyes and sets the book down, watching as Sebastian pulls on the navy cardigan per his request. He smiles a little, "So ice skating, coffee…maybe I'll even blow you in the back seat of your car."

Sebastian teases him right on back, "Sounds like a date, are you asking me out on a _date_ Blaine Anderson?" He settles down beside him on the bed, his hand ghosting over his back.

Blaine smirks and sits up, leans forward to press his lips to his. "Yeah," He winks. "For real this time."

000

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